I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
