What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
worst night to have a conscience
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
