i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
