I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
