He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
