you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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