I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
