So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
