i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
