Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
