i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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