Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
They have beer where we have blood.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
