i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
