Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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