New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
two words: eviction party
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
