the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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