White coat. Heels.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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