I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
