I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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