Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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