Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
