Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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