I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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