So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
