pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
