ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
