He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
