Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
