All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
