Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize