It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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