Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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