I could have mohawked her pubes.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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