it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
