..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
