What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
