weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
