So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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