Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
