The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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