i barfeds in our rink
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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