My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize