How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Why is your signature on my underwear?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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