God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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