Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
