im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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