were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize