I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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