I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Im part way to drunk.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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