MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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