Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize