Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
