even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
