i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
