Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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