Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
