Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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