one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
