the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
