so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
