He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
