I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
