CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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