similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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