I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
