well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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