I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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