it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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