I can't watch pbs sober anymore
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize