The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
