I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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