yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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