yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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