Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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