took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize