all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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