dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
