It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize