the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Randomize
