I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She said her name was "party"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
