After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
