woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
