i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize