No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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