I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
