Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
