I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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