god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
