we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
