and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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