$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
