I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I love you. Go after that dick
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
