I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So much Jack, so little girl.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
