sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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