Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
