pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
