the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
