ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
