Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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