Im at strip club and am horny
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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