i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My dick has a subreddit
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
