after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You made out with two different species that night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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