I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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