too bad you live with your parents still
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
