first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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