we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
