i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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