Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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