Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
