It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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