It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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