I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
