I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
