tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
wow bdsm is so cute
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize