I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it's like heaven, but drunker
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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