Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
